im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
