okay pat passed out under dana's car
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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