That's when you crack a 10am beer
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You took a bar mat shot.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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