Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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