meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Randomize
