Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
