see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
