and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
