if you like me you must not know who I am
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
