I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
