Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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