I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
