im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
