I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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