Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
