she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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