hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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