just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
