just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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