Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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