onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He better not be in your backpack
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
