Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
