I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
