Your face is a jimmy john
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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