You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
