what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
