Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
