I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Come share oat with me in your robe
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
