there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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