put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
