drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
