The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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