i just wanna soil my oats bro
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
