Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
