Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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