I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Are we still banned from the library?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
