I got chris browned last night
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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