the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
