Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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