I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
