i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
