What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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