I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
