i was born a porn star she said
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
