I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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