hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
