I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
