her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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