super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
