tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I think i got beer on your cat.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
