I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
