Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
