Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
