She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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