If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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