Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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