We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
